Yesterday, I returned to Moun of Tunis, a long time staple of the Hollywood “bellydance” scene for a showcase produced by Jamilla Soul. It’s a beautiful space full of rugs, lanterns, brass tables, lounge seating, and delicious Moroccan & Tunisian food that has had bellydance shows weekly for nearly 50 years! I use to dance here on and off in my early days. I lived in a studio apartment just down the way, figuring out who I was as a young artist, adult, and being. As I drove down Sunset Blvd squinting into the sun in full performance makeup and on my way to dance yesterday, it was a beautiful trip down memory lane.
I stepped away from performing in restaurants and nightclubs in 2019. It was an active decision that was a mixture of exploring my sense of femininity outside of the orientalist lens and trying to figure out what my next chapter as an artist could look like. Venues had changed. Performances had changed. And yet, I still had gigs that made me question what impact we were having on upholding stereotypes and then later having a show that made my heart smile as the audience lit up upon entering, sang my music, and felt seen & celebrated. Letting go of restaurant performances was an idea I had thought about for a few years. Maybe it was time to “give it up.” The hard part was I loved it. I love the connection you have with the audience, the journey you get to take them on, and the amazing people you get to meet along the way (in the kitchens, in the audience, fellow performers and musicians). So I did what anyone does when having a hard time making a choice, I shaved my head.
While shaving your head may be an extreme idea for some, it was cathartic for me and a vital part of decolonizing my concepts around gender, dance, and art. Unfortunately that process got much more complicated with the me too movement, pandemic, and then cancer. The past 7 years have been a…lot. But they have also been transformational in deeply meaningful ways. As if a beautiful close the chapter, I received my latest petscan results this past Friday and they are CLEAR! I am officially and finally cancer free.
It was with extra sweetness that I danced last night for a beautiful and endearing audience, sharing the bill with dear friends, and exhaling a bit into the appreciation I have for this life and this crazy path. While I am not planning on necessarily jumping back into the gig world, it was delightful to feel like me again. The full me that encompasses my younger self and this new me that has battled to be here today. Dance, you are forever my church, art, and joy. Time to sparkle just a little more brightly. <3